1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,520 MARCUS: Welcome to the Crown and Toga. 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,600 Thank you so much for coming in. 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:08,480 Please do take a seat. 4 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:09,400 PIA: Cool. 5 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:10,440 Thank you. 6 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:12,600 MARCUS: So, Pia, how did you hear 7 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,080 about the waitressing position? 8 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,360 Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,520 Well, I was sunbathing down by the river. 10 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,720 And he, that one, [giggling]laid down beside me and said, 11 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,000 I would be perfect for it. 12 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,520 Did he now? 13 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,760 And do you have any experiencein the service industry? 14 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,480 No. I'm a model. 15 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,360 Perfect. 16 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:29,720 Hmm. 17 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,680 What about-- how are you with taking down orders? 18 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,000 Yeah, I'm actually illiterate. 19 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:35,560 So, not great. 20 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,520 Well, she can just remember the orders. 21 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:38,440 Oh, no. 22 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,120 I've got a shocking memory. 23 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,920 But I suppose I could draw alittle pictures of them, maybe. 24 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:44,480 Perfect. 25 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,440 And Pia, tell me, how do youstay in such great shape? 26 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:48,880 I run a lot and swim. [giggles] 27 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:49,760 Perfect. 28 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:50,720 Utterly irrelevant. 29 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,200 Yeah, I've got a question. 30 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,640 What's your favorite bit of a chicken to eat? 31 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:59,040 Mm-hmm, I guess the meat. 32 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,200 Hmm. 33 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,800 Well, I think we've heard enough. 34 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:02,800 We'll let you know. 35 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:03,840 We'll let you know, right now. 36 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:04,720 You got the job. 37 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:05,880 Oh! 38 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,200 Amazing. - What? 39 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:08,520 Hang on. 40 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:09,200 Well, I think we need to discuss it, mate. 41 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,360 She's perfect. 42 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,040 Anyway, front of house is my domain. 43 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,640 So, well done, Pia. 44 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:14,560 You smashed it. 45 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:16,840 [laughing and jumping] 46 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,560 Oh. 47 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:19,560 [MUSIC - OLI JULIAN, "WHEN IN ROME"] 48 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:20,680 [SINGING] Yeah. 49 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,400 When in Rome, do as the Romans do. 50 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:32,400 Far from home, all I got is you. 51 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:37,920 GRUMIO: It looks like a severed hand. 52 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,360 Yes. 53 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,720 I don't remember puttingsevered hand on the menu. 54 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,680 Ah, oh, this is jizz. 55 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,040 She needs to do better drawings, or I 56 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,080 won't know what I'm cooking. 57 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,080 All right, chill. 58 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:47,600 Why are you two bugging her out? 59 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,840 Because she is thick, andlazy, and under-qualified. 60 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:50,840 Yeah. 61 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,360 But apart that she's perfect. 62 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,800 Uh, excuse me. 63 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:55,240 I'm still waiting mysausage and mash, over here. 64 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,120 Ah! 65 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,680 That's what it is. 66 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,200 It's actually quite obvious, when you know. 67 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,480 Yeah, sorry. 68 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:01,680 We've got problems with the new waitress. 69 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,560 Oh, so have I, mate. 70 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,080 You should have hired me. 71 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,440 I'm charming, literate, andincredibly hard working. 72 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,760 You wouldn't be paying this guy to stand 73 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:08,960 around twiddling his hair. 74 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:09,920 Yeah. 75 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,080 Can you stop her doing that? 76 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,000 And get her to take the rubbish out. 77 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,280 Ugh! 78 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,400 [tapping on the table] 79 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,480 One sausage and mash, then, chef. 80 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,560 I'd rather cook a severed hand. 81 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:17,560 Ugh. 82 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,200 Please don't you start, Grumio. 83 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,000 How are we meant to make asplash on the Roman food scene, 84 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,320 if you won't let me serve my funky new menu? 85 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:24,600 Which menu is this? 86 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,440 Dishes only beginning with the letter Q? 87 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,720 No, I've gone off that one. 88 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:29,080 It's basically just quiche. 89 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,040 The new menu is called Stuffing Stuff in Stuff. 90 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,000 So it's like a mouse inside a grouse, 91 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,880 or a squid inside a squirrel. 92 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:37,760 Hmm. 93 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:38,680 OK. 94 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:39,920 That sounds far too funky. 95 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,640 We're sticking with classic pub fare. 96 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,520 Classic pub unfair, more like. 97 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:44,440 I'm the chef. 98 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,880 I should get to decide. 99 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,920 And I'm the one, whospent every last sesterce 100 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,200 he has on this toilet, Grumio. 101 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,440 So I get to decide. 102 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,360 If you want to shove a frog inside a dog, 103 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,280 do it on your own dime. 104 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,480 Yeah. 105 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:56,560 Well, I'm might, actually, because that 106 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,920 is one of my dishes. 107 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,240 PIA: I just don't like touching rubbish. 108 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:02,640 I find it gross. 109 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,040 Yeah, completely. 110 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,240 I mean, it's rubbish, innit? 111 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,800 [chuckling] That is like so clever. 112 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,280 Because it is rubbish, and it's rubbish. 113 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,560 I'll take this out, then.Shall I? 114 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,000 Yeah, cheers. 115 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,160 Because Mario is alwayssaying that about sweets. 116 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,200 It's because they're calledsweets, and they're sweets. 117 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,480 Yeah. 118 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,560 Yeah-- no, I never really thought of that. 119 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:21,480 So who's Mario? 120 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,240 [giggling] My fiance. 121 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:24,520 Ha ha, perfect. 122 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,000 [laughing] Yes. 123 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:26,880 Perfecto. 124 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,360 [music playing] 125 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:31,760 [tripping over] 126 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:32,640 Ah! 127 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:33,560 Oh. 128 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,440 Watch out for the cobble. 129 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,040 Yeah. 130 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:37,520 Maybe, warn people beforethey trip over it, in future. 131 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:38,880 Hmm. 132 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,480 Are you the new owner of the toilet, are you? 133 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,440 Bar. 134 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,760 It's a bar, now. 135 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,040 And we are trying to attract some customers. 136 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,480 So if you could not peg upyour pants, so near our door. 137 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,400 Oh, they're not mine, clearly. 138 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,920 Look at the size ofthem, you cheeky bastard. 139 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:51,800 Right. 140 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:52,720 Well, either way. 141 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:53,720 This is my launderette. 142 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:54,600 I'm Gloria. 143 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,280 Ah, OK. 144 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,760 I'm Marcus, hello. 145 00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,760 And this is where youalways hang up your washing, 146 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:00,640 is it, Gloria? 147 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,320 Yeah, that's right. 148 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,600 In fact, I was going to ask, doyou mind if I pop around later 149 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:05,960 and take the piss? 150 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,160 Sorry, the-- 151 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,120 Urine, from your loos. 152 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,600 I need the ammonia towash the clothes, you see? 153 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,160 I used to just help myself. 154 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,320 Yeah, I kind of do mind youtaking the piss, actually. 155 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,600 I mean, if-- if you really needit, I can maybe, do you a deal. 156 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:20,720 A deal for piss? 157 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,080 Are you serious? - Huh, yeah. 158 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,280 Well, I'm sorry, but business isn't 159 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,600 exactly booming, right now, so. 160 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:25,960 Oh, you'll be all right. 161 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,120 It's only one review, isn't it? 162 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,880 It's not going to kill you. 163 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,000 Sorry, how do you mean? 164 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,120 Well, I think you can trust people 165 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,400 to make up their own minds-- 166 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:37,520 oh, you've not seen it, have you? 167 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,000 [music playing] 168 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:44,440 1. 169 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:45,440 1 fork. 170 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,280 1 fucking fork. 171 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,280 But what's it out of? 172 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,960 Oh, 5, clearly. 173 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,240 Oh, fine. 174 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,560 I thought it was out of 10. 175 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,040 So who's this Athena, anyway? 176 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,440 Who is Athena? 177 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,160 That's Athena Balvantius,mate, only the biggest 178 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,120 food critic in Rome. 179 00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,480 And she came to our bar? 180 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,400 That's pretty cool. 181 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:01,800 It is in no way cool. 182 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,080 It is a total bloody disaster. 183 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:06,480 Yeah, which is all yourfault, for not letting me stuff, 184 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,480 stuff, and stuff. 185 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,040 No. 186 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,480 It is your fault for failingto nail the pub classics, 187 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,000 like I said. 188 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,560 And poor service willdefinitely have been a factor. 189 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,120 So will atmosphere, mate, which 190 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,440 is totally spaz, thanks toyou weirding the place out 191 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,800 with your little beard. 192 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:19,880 Oh, you're blaming the customers beards, now. 193 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:20,800 Classy. 194 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,000 [LOUDLY]: Gah! 195 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,200 Why did she do this to us? 196 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,160 We weren't ready to be criticized. 197 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,040 Sod her. 198 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,280 I'll just paint over it. 199 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,360 She can go and fuck herself. 200 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,240 Oh, no. 201 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:30,280 I wouldn't do that. 202 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,320 She'd kick up a stink. 203 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:32,680 Only Athena can take it down. 204 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,360 Well, let's just find her and charm, slash, 205 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,480 bully her into doing that. 206 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,400 Find her? 207 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:37,840 Find her, how? 208 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,360 I bet she's some reclusivelittle hermit weirdo. 209 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:41,680 Far from it, actually. 210 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,360 She's quite the woman about town. 211 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,480 I know for a fact that shetakes afternoon tea, every day, 212 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:46,480 in the Forum. 213 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:47,680 How do you know all this shit? 214 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,440 I'm a huge gourmand. 215 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,680 Yet another reason whyyou should have hired me. 216 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,600 OK. 217 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,480 Come on. 218 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,560 Let's get her, then. 219 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:55,440 Yeah. 220 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,440 Jason, you hold the fort. 221 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:57,520 Maybe, teach Pia to read. 222 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:58,560 Nah. 223 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,040 I think you were right about her. 224 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,600 Yeah, I should have hired someone else. 225 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,040 - Finally he admits it? - OK. 226 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,960 Well, you deal with that,seeing as front of house 227 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,280 is your domain. 228 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,240 OK. 229 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,720 What do I do if we get busy? 230 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:09,840 Somehow, I don't thinkit's going to be a problem. 231 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,840 [music playing] 232 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,360 How would we know which one's her? 233 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,920 We'll take a punt, I reckon. 234 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,440 Hi, there. Hello. 235 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:21,360 Athena, is it? 236 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:22,760 No. 237 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,480 I shan't review yourlittle popup waffle shack. 238 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,720 Now, run along and leave me to my cake. 239 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:27,720 No, it's not that. 240 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,080 We're from the Crown and Toga. 241 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,800 You actually reviewed us, already. 242 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,640 And gave us 1 fork, you spiteful shit. 243 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,280 Oh, no, no. Grumio. 244 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,160 Sorry about him. 245 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,080 He's upset. 246 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,520 You know how chefs get. 247 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,280 But we were wondering ifyou could maybe remove it. 248 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,960 We've only just opened,you see, and weren't quite 249 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,680 ready to be forked, like that. 250 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:45,680 1 fork. 251 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:46,600 1 fork. 252 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,080 Let me see. 253 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,920 [giggles] Deathly quietpub cafe, sluggish service, 254 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,080 stench of feces. 255 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,760 Is that you? - Mm-hmm. 256 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:54,720 Yeah, that's us. 257 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,240 The place used to be a bog. 258 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,680 Well, that explains whythe food was so bog-standard. 259 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,800 Sausage and mash, pie and peas,beans on whatever next, toast. 260 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,200 No. I'm sorry. 261 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,720 It's a critics job-- 262 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:09,040 nay, duty to protect thepublic from such insipid dreck. 263 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,960 That's his dreck, not mine. 264 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,320 I don't want to be cooking thatcack, but he's been forcing me. 265 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,520 Well, I'm sorry to hear that. 266 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:15,960 I've got big ideas-- 267 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,880 absolute whoppers, but this stingy sod's 268 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,240 all about playing it safe. 269 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,520 Constraint of creativityby penny-pinching 270 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:24,080 Philistines is the worst crime in all humanity. 271 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,160 Completely. 272 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,280 You're bang on, love. 273 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,840 Listen, give us another go. 274 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,000 I know tasty. 275 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,360 OK? 276 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,280 I live and breathe food and eat it, obviously. 277 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,560 Hmm. 278 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,320 I'll blow your bugs to bits, I promise. 279 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,120 Well, as it happens, I havehad a cancellation for tonight. 280 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:39,040 Tonight, that's-- 281 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:39,920 You're on. 282 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:40,920 Expect me at 7:00. 283 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,360 This time, be ready. 284 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,800 [music playing] 285 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:51,440 So Daphne, first things first, are you single? 286 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,120 Yes, I single. 287 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,400 Perfect. 288 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,240 Is that seriously, your first question? 289 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,960 Actually, it's my only question. 290 00:07:58,080 --> 00:07:59,280 Well, I'm also single. 291 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,080 And I've got supremely steady hands, owing 292 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,640 to years of experience dispensing water 293 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,000 for a major grain company. 294 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,960 I don't care, because I want to hire Daphne. 295 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,120 - Yes, please. - Yeah. 296 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,480 At least, give me an interview. 297 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,960 I'm clearly the best man for the job. 298 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,200 But I don't want a man for the job. 299 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,800 Aha! 300 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:13,960 Well, that's discrimination,then, because of my gender. 301 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,400 No, and your personality. 302 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:16,600 I'm going to consult the statutes, 303 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,720 maybe, talk to a tribune. 304 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:18,920 Ho ho ho. 305 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,120 You're in big trouble, now, new guy. 306 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,000 Uh, big trouble. 307 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,920 [music playing] 308 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,520 GRUMIO: What other animals fit in animals? 309 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,080 Uh. 310 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,640 Is this definitely, how weshould be planning our menu? 311 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,760 No. 312 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:31,920 I want it to sound right and all, 313 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,200 like a herring inside of the heron. 314 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:34,680 Pfft. OK. 315 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,040 Because that sounds really wrong. 316 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,640 You don't get creativity, mate. 317 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,160 It's like Athena said, you'rea pen-pushing pedophile. 318 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:41,400 A penny-pinching Philistine? 319 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,160 And I'm not, actually. 320 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,760 I just really don't want us to bugger this up. 321 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,920 If I've already buggeredit up, thanks to you. 322 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:48,160 Tonight, it's my turn. 323 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,920 It can't hardly get any worse, can it? 324 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,440 Ugh, fine. 325 00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:54,920 How about a sausage in a partridge? 326 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:55,840 In an ostrich? 327 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:56,840 A triple stuffer. 328 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,160 [chuckling] Now we're cooking. 329 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,600 [music playing] 330 00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,400 MARCUS: And who's that, please? 331 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,520 Yeah, that's Greta. 332 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,080 I hired her, a couple of hours ago. 333 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,920 And that's Daphne, over by the door. 334 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,000 And Pia, of course, you already know. 335 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,720 So we've now got three waitresses. 336 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,240 Yeah. 337 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,120 Well, Pia has got a boyfriend,so I had to hire Daphne. 338 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,920 We don't really click, do you know what I mean? 339 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,200 So I got Greta, who is cold,but I think she's a lesbian. 340 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,480 So I'll just get another one tomorrow. 341 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,360 What? 342 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,040 No, you won't. 343 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,080 I mean, you could hire someoneinstead of, not as well as her. 344 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,280 I mean, you can't keep hiringmore and more waitresses, 345 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,080 until you find one who'll sleep with you. 346 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,600 Oh, right. 347 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,880 No, I genuinely didn't realize that. 348 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,160 - You have to get rid of them.- What? 349 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,040 No. 350 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,280 That's well awks. 351 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,800 The firing is not really my thing. 352 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,400 Well, so I see. 353 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:47,880 But our staff-to-customerratio hardly screams success, 354 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,800 does it? 355 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,040 Table for one, please. 356 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,720 I do hope you can squeeze me in. 357 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,920 Fire them all, now. 358 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:59,120 Athena, such an honor to have you back with us. 359 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,480 Stuffing stuff in stuff. 360 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,600 It's a meditation onnature and the brutal logic 361 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,160 of the food chain. 362 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,840 And seeing what things Ican fit inside other things. 363 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,200 And specifically that, yes. 364 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,360 It's 12 courses. 365 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,960 A 12 course tasting menu, got it. 366 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:14,880 Well, no. 367 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,080 The full plate. 368 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,760 It's more of a 12-course eating menu. 369 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:22,240 Starting with our firstcourse, a squid in a squirrel. 370 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:23,960 Goodness me, I didn't expect that. 371 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:24,880 Neither did the squirrel. 372 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,920 [chuckling] 373 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:27,840 Enjoy. 374 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,800 [music playing] 375 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,360 Sir, how's it going now? 376 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,040 Well, she has cleared her plate. 377 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,960 Look, you struggle to get anymore of that wren or the hen. 378 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,280 Wow. 379 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,720 You know, I thought this menu was the stuff 380 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,240 of the lunatics nightmare. 381 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,120 But it turns out you mightbe an OK chef, after all. 382 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,480 Let's just hope she's left room for afters. 383 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:19,920 Your final course-- 384 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,920 a plum in a peach, in a pie, in a pud. 385 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,200 Athena? 386 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,160 Well, that's one way of eating it. 387 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,640 [music playing] 388 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,360 You total twat, Grumio. 389 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,120 This is what happens, whenyou insist on stuffing 390 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,040 everything in everything. 391 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,280 Steady on. 392 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,120 You said I was an OK chef a minute ago. 393 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,120 Well, a fair bit has changed, since then. 394 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,400 A critic has died, which in a way 395 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,440 is the worst review shecould have possibly given. 396 00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:56,880 Oh, it's not just his food, though, is it? 397 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,160 Look at her. 398 00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,680 She's an heart attack waiting to happen. 399 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,040 Well, this was certainlythe 12 course eating menu 400 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,560 that broke the camel's back. 401 00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,200 So should we go and tell a grown up? 402 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:06,400 Yeah, I'll get a centurion. 403 00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:07,960 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. 404 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,400 Why would you call the fuzz? 405 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,080 Why wouldn't we call the fuzz? 406 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,680 Brother, if word gets out thatwe're stuffing people to death, 407 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,760 then our business is deader than she is. 408 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,360 Now, do you want this bar to work or not? 409 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,320 Ugh! 410 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,720 What have you got in mind? 411 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,600 [music playing] 412 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,400 Ooh. 413 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,520 Whoa, that's good. 414 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,480 I know. 415 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,000 And she never got to try it. 416 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,360 That's the real tragedy, here. 417 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,640 God, holy crap, she's heavy. 418 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,320 Oh, I can't do this. 419 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,040 I'm knackered from stuffing stuff in stuff. 420 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:40,920 No. 421 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:42,200 No, you do not, Grumio. 422 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,600 We need all hands on deck, here. 423 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:44,960 AURELIUS: Right. 424 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,160 I've checked the sex and discrimination statutes, 425 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:49,600 and apparently, I don't have a case. 426 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,160 What's going on? 427 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,440 Yeah. 428 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,840 How much you want that job? 429 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,120 Oh, Joe. What am I doing? 430 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,040 Ssh. 431 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,200 Keep it down, Aurelius. 432 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,040 Two things I promised my father-- 433 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,840 never buy anything on credit, and never 434 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,040 get mixed up in a murder. 435 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:04,200 Stop saying murder. 436 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,120 It was an accident. 437 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,040 Exactly. 438 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,480 It's all above board. 439 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,320 So why are we dumping herbody in the woods, then? 440 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,680 Holy Jove, I'm going to Hades for this. 441 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:11,840 Hmm. 442 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:12,920 I suspect you're going there, anyway. 443 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,200 And she's a critic. 444 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,400 It's not like anyone's going to miss her. 445 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:16,560 Yeah. 446 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:17,720 Good riddance, I say If you're going 447 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,240 to give my grub a one-fork review, 448 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,160 then this is what you get. 449 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,680 Ooh, that's a point. 450 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,240 You can paint over it, now. 451 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,160 And nobody will know how badour bar is, until they're 452 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,200 actually inside it. 453 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,880 See, it's all coming together. 454 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,840 Yeah, this will do. 455 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,280 1, 2, 3, and ditch the witch. 456 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:37,120 [throwing off the body] 457 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,240 And cover her with leaves? 458 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,680 [throwing few leaves] 459 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,520 [music playing] 460 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,520 Whoa, whoa, whoa, just play it cool. 461 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,160 [cleaning cutlery nervously] 462 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,600 [dropping cutlery] - Uh! 463 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:13,520 Sorry, sorry. 464 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,960 Oh, god. 465 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,320 I just-- I'm stillthinking about it, you know. 466 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,440 I close my eyes and all I can see is her face-- 467 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:19,720 her big dead face. 468 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,160 So don't close your eyes, then. 469 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:22,960 GLORIA: Hey, you're open? 470 00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,000 Gloria, hey. 471 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,360 Hello, yeah. 472 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:27,280 What can we get for you? 473 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,520 Yeah. 474 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,240 Look, I know what you boys are up to? 475 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:31,280 What? 476 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,160 What do you mean? 477 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,360 I saw what you did-- 478 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:34,520 Please, it was nothing to do with me. 479 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:35,520 I can give money. 480 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:36,960 --outside, fixing that review. 481 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:37,880 Oh, thank god. 482 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,280 [chuckling]. 483 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,760 Oh, yes. 484 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,640 Apparently, the 1 fork thingwas actually, a mistake. 485 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:44,920 So they decided to take it down. 486 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:45,840 No. 487 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:46,960 But they didn't, did they? 488 00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:50,200 They upgraded it from 1 fork to 6. 489 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,760 6? 490 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,120 Wow. 491 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,480 That is-- is that how many they've given us? 492 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,280 That's tremendous. 493 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,600 Well, maybe that's just what we deserve. 494 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,720 Yeah, be careful, I would. 495 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,400 The other bars around here, wouldn't 496 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,520 be too happy to know you've beenfaking your reviews, if someone 497 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:10,000 were to tell them, of course. 498 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:14,560 You can have the piss forfree, from now on, if you like. 499 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,640 We don't have much stock at the moment. 500 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,200 But we can have a sort ofwhip round, if that will-- 501 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,400 you know. - What? 502 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,840 Shut me up? 503 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,200 You're all right, then. 504 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,080 Bring it around, later, is it love? 505 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,480 [music playing] 506 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:32,520 MARCUS: Because it's out of five. 507 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:33,640 So? 508 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,440 So 6 forks isn't possible, is it? 509 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,960 I think it is, mate. You're looking at it. 510 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:37,840 No. 511 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,640 But I mean, 5 is perfect. 512 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,160 So how can you have 6? 513 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:43,240 Because this is likeperfect, but then, one better. 514 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,720 Yeah, like seven wouldbe perfect, but two better. 515 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:46,720 Shall I change it to seven? 516 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:47,600 Yeah, maybe. 517 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,400 No, stop adding forks. 518 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,440 Just paint over the last couple with anything. 519 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:52,440 Go with four. 520 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,720 A nice solid, unsuspicious four. 521 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:55,680 CUSTOMER: Look, here it is. 522 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:56,720 Oh, yeah. 523 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,240 I told you, it's for real. 524 00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,720 Hello, hi. Can we help you? 525 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,320 Uh-huh. 526 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,600 We've heard that Athena'sgiven her first ever six-forker 527 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:04,720 And we want to check it out. 528 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:05,960 Yeah. 529 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:06,920 I was just saying, how unusual that is. 530 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,120 I know. 531 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,160 And in such an abandoned part of town. 532 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,720 It must be off the hook. 533 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:11,800 Is this the queue, darling? 534 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:12,840 You are the queue, darling. 535 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:13,720 Head on in. 536 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,640 Marvelous. 537 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,680 [music playing] 538 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,200 I honestly don't recognize this place 539 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,480 with like people in it. 540 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:50,640 I know. 541 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,080 Where did the bongo guy come from? 542 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,640 I think when bars get this popular, 543 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,080 bongo guys just appear. 544 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,240 And there have been nocomplaints about the food? 545 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,520 Like, not a peep. 546 00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,680 These goons would eat a spunk sandwich, 547 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,680 if it was well reviewed. 548 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,040 Ha. 549 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,920 Two more snail quails I need for table six. 550 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,920 Ah, oh, for crying out loud,I'm run off my feet, here. 551 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,400 They won't stop ordering. 552 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:10,680 Yes, that is the idea. 553 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,000 All right, look. 554 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,800 I've been thinking, maybe, you are right. 555 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:15,440 6 forks is too many, isn't it? 556 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,960 We should probably change itto 4, or you know, 3 is fine. 557 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,400 Oh, don't be coy, Grumio. 558 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,080 You wanted to make a splash, didn't you? 559 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,160 Well, now you have. 560 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,320 So you better learn to swim. 561 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,200 [annoyed] 562 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,680 Yes, one second. 563 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:27,840 [dropping plates] Ah! 564 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:28,880 Sorry, sorry. 565 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,000 Stop doing that. 566 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:31,080 We're going to run out of plates. 567 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,720 I know, I'm sorry. 568 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,800 It's just people keep askingabout Athena-- where she sat, 569 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:35,760 and what she ordered? 570 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,080 And she's dead. 571 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,880 Athena's dead, Marcus, in a fucking ditch. 572 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,160 Aww. 573 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,440 Now you made me touch your monkey beard. 574 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,560 I'm sorry. 575 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:43,600 You shouldn't have had to do that. 576 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,240 What are we going to do? 577 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,120 We can't have these gibberingwreck around the customers. 578 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,440 It's too risky. 579 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:48,680 Or maybe, we could put him in the kitchen. 580 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,720 He can stuff stuff with Grumio. 581 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:50,640 Thank you. 582 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:51,600 Yes, I agree. 583 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:52,920 Hang on. 584 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,440 Who's going to cover for him on the floor? 585 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,560 You are, for a bit, whileI start hiring a waitress. 586 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:57,640 Ugh. 587 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:58,920 Is that a good plan? 588 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,760 I've got a foolproof system this time. 589 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,640 I'll get the perfect match. 590 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,560 Yes. 591 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,640 That wasn't my main worry. 592 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,120 You'll be fine. 593 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,720 These lot think bad serviceis part of the charm. 594 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,160 [music playing] 595 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:11,960 OK then, girls. 596 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:13,480 Question number three. 597 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:14,680 Are you single? 598 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:15,920 OK. 599 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,840 If the answer is no, take a step back. 600 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,200 Yeah, sorry. 601 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,840 I really don't thinkthis is an acceptable way 602 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,200 to conduct a job interview. 603 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:23,840 And you can take a step back, too. 604 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,360 [giggles] OK, here, we gowith question number 4. 605 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,080 Do you fancy men, slash, me? 606 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:34,480 If the answer is no, then back you go. 607 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,160 OK, part B, would you still fancy me, 608 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,960 if you knew I had quite large nipples for a man? 609 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:41,160 All right. No, no, no. 610 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,280 It's fair enough. 611 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,120 You would've found out eventually, 612 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,320 you know what I mean? 613 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,960 [chuckles] OK, question number five. 614 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,160 Now [rings bell] it's ready. 615 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,480 Service. - Mate-- 616 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,840 - Yeah, just once sec. - --excuse me. 617 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:51,720 Yeah, sorry. 618 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,360 Jason's still not back. 619 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,360 Table six wants one wren inhen and one marrow in sparrow 620 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:56,680 by the way. - What? 621 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,960 Have they not missed last orders? 622 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,160 Last orders? 623 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:00,040 It's only 8 o'clock. 624 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,360 Ah. 625 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:03,240 Oh, for-- Where's my entree for table four? 626 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,640 It's coming. It's coming. 627 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:05,600 - It's coming, what? - Chef. 628 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:06,600 It's coming, chef. 629 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:07,800 What-- what are you're doing? 630 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:09,120 You're stuffing a mouse in a goose? 631 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,560 Is that not right, chef? 632 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,040 The mouse goes in the grouse. 633 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,440 The moose goes in the goose,you fucking numbskull. 634 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,960 I thought the moose and the grouse-- 635 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:17,960 I'm sorry, chef. 636 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:18,840 Oh, yeah, sorry. 637 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,200 I don't want sorry. 638 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:23,280 We can't serve sorry, can we? [LOUDLY] Can we? 639 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,400 I don't understand the question. 640 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:25,720 Can we serve sorry? 641 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:26,720 I think no, chef. 642 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,200 No, chef. 643 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,640 So shape up or ship out,you useless streak of shit. 644 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,640 Yes, chef. 645 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,920 All right, pass me a sparrow. 646 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,960 Is this the sparrow or the wren? 647 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,880 Are you fucking kidding me? 648 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,040 So, this is the place. 649 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,280 Wonderful. 650 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,160 MARCUS: Ah. 651 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,680 At last. 652 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,120 You take your time? 653 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,200 Sorry, I couldn't choosebetween the final two 654 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,520 contestants. 655 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,120 So it went down to a sudden death tiebreaker. 656 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,040 I really don't care. 657 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,000 Cool. 658 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,240 This is Sandra, the winner. 659 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,360 Hi. 660 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,600 You're up for getting started? 661 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,760 I'm up for anything. 662 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,080 [running scared] 663 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,560 What-- what-- what are you doing out here? 664 00:19:58,680 --> 00:19:59,880 I can't take it anymore. 665 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,480 Grumio-- I mean, chef, he is going to kill me. 666 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,520 As if he is. 667 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,400 He's killed before. 668 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:04,760 He's going to chop me up. 669 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,160 He's going to chop me up and stick me in a pie. 670 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,520 He'd never put a man in a pie. 671 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,480 It doesn't rhyme. 672 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,160 He might put you in a flan. 673 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:11,880 Don't make me go back in there, please. 674 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,000 I'll tell the centurion. 675 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,320 I will. I'll confess everything. 676 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,200 Whoa! 677 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,520 Hey, no. 678 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:17,680 You're not squealing on us, boy, all right? 679 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,680 No way. 680 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:19,840 I just need this to be over. 681 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,440 Mate, we're in this together.OK? 682 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:22,760 Just please, get back in the kitchen. 683 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:23,680 No. 684 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,480 Get off me. 685 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,000 Excuse me, can I just-- 686 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,320 [nervous scream] Ah! 687 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:29,680 It's her. 688 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:30,720 Oh, shit. 689 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,040 Can you all see that? 690 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:32,920 No, no. 691 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:33,840 Spirit begone. 692 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,120 I am no spirit. 693 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,320 I am Athena Balvantius, food critic of Rome. 694 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,760 [crowd gasps] 695 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,280 Having awarded this toiletof a restaurant 1 fork, 696 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,280 I graciously agreed togive them another chance. 697 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,960 I was, then, fed a meal so dangerously dense, 698 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,800 it nearly killed me. 699 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,400 I awoke to find my host hadleft me for dead in a ditch 700 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,880 and revised my review from 1 to 6 701 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,200 forks, which is not only disgraceful, 702 00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,400 but mathematically absurd. 703 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,280 Yeah. 704 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,440 I did tell him that. 705 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,240 You good people must not eat, here. 706 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,080 The owners are crooks and cheats. 707 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,240 And the food is a rank abomination. 708 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:09,160 She's right. 709 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,560 This place is shit. 710 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,960 I, hereby, amend my review to no forks. 711 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,280 [crowd whispering] 712 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,640 Well, I'm going to stop stuffing, then. 713 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,840 And we no longer need Sandra. 714 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,880 No, come on, really? 715 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:23,800 Do it. 716 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:24,680 Ugh. 717 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,160 [music playing] 718 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,680 Question number nine. 719 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,760 Would you still fancy me,if I said you were fired? 720 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,720 Ugh! 721 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:33,600 Oh. 722 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:36,960 [dragging barrel] 723 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:39,280 Wow. 724 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,360 That is a lot of piss. 725 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,920 You lucked out. 726 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,000 During our period as one ofRome's hottest gastropubs, 727 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,880 we filled a lot of bladders. 728 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,880 Well, much obliged. 729 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,360 Shit, careful of the-- 730 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,880 [grunts] [splash] 731 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,120 [MUSIC - OLI JULIAN, "I CAME I SAW"] 732 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,160 Ugh, I swallowed some. 733 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,160 [SINGING] Do, ah. 734 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,560 I came, I saw, I conquered. 735 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,960 I came, I saw, I conquered. 736 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,040 I came, I saw, I conquered. 737 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:06,560 Can I conquer you? 738 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:07,760 Got to believe. 739 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,160 I came, I saw, I conquered. 740 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,560 I came, I saw, I conquered. 741 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,640 I came, I saw, I conquered. 742 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,160 Can I conquer you? 743 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:17,040 Hell, yeah. 744 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:18,640 Can I conquer? 745 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:23,400 I got to conquer, I need toconquer you, you, you, baby.